


Just Loosen Up Your Pipes

by microphoneMessiah



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-04-11
Updated: 2012-04-10
Packaged: 2017-11-03 10:49:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/380572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/microphoneMessiah/pseuds/microphoneMessiah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Travis is a virgin, Vrinda and Terza refuse to let this be a thing that continues to be true while Gavin just wants to be helpful.</p><p>(Also, Travis drives a Prius and paint jobs are expensive.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Loosen Up Your Pipes

You never had any intention to end up squirming in a cheap plastic chair in the middle of a mechanic's shop sporting, what is quite possibly, the hardest boner you've ever had in your entire life. If anything, every single part of your being wishes a thing like this would have never happened. Like, you could go through your entire life without this happening to you and everything would be totally awesome. Ugh, you really really hate your friends.

 

**Travis: Reflect on when your life decided to start being horrible to you.**

Well, okay, that's probably really hyperbolic, but okay. Um, you guess it all started after you got off work earlier that afternoon. After a tough day of dealing with dog vomit and the occasional metric ton of cat dander, you had eventually made it to your car and drove home. Everything was nice and calm on your way back; you bought some skim milk from the store and a bag of skittles (your boyfriend's favorite) before getting back to your teensy, little apartment on the third floor. Gavin welcomed you home with a hug and gave you a big kiss on the cheek as he collected his candy and headed out the door. Which, now that you think about it, is kind of odd seeing as how he works from your apartment as a painter and tends to just hang out with you instead of wandering off at random. Actually, you're pretty sure that him leaving should have been the first warning sign. The second one being the can of purple paint he was carrying, though, in your defense, a painter should carry around paint and therefore shouldn't be suspected of foul play for it. But, to argue against yourself, this is Gavin. Gavin is known to not be trusted with staining things and thus, you should have been more alert. More prepared. More, well, um, you probably should have seen this coming.

 

**Travis: Admire masterpiece.**

You found your usually brown Toyota Prius half covered in purple paint with several child-like hearts drawn haphazardly across it.

 

**Travis: Oy vey outie.**

You...you...goddamn it.

 

**Dumb Prius owner: Go get your shit car fixed.**

Wow, uh, rude. And yes, you are going to get Petunia fixed right this moment. But, you're not entirely sure where you can go, to be honest. Most of the mechanics shops in your town have big, burly dudes running them and even though you aren't necessarily afraid of them; you'd just rather not. Especially after that run in with that Ezekiel guy. Ew.

 

**Travis: Realize your only option.**

What? What do you--oh. Um, oh. Oh. God. Damn. It.

 

**Gavin: Get excited to visit friends!**

Hell yeah, motherfucker! You really want to get all hella excited for this bitchtits adventure, but Trav seems kinda upset. He keeps mumbling about, 'why them? oh god. save my wretched soul.' or something. You don't know why, since he said you're visiting some chicas he knows. More friends the better, right?

 

**Travis and Gavin: Get fucked.**

Well, you don't know what that means but take it to be ominous foreshadowing of something truly horrible occurring. Judging by which mechanics shop you're both at and the people who run it: you really can't say you're surprised, like, at all.

 

**Travis: Be the blind chick!**

You decide to take fake offense to that and thus, fake anger. In your false rage, you decide to not be you.

 

 **Pseudo-raging lady:** Be the chick that likes blue.

Ha, that's totally not specific seeing as how you both like blue, dumbass!

 

**Fuck it. Be whoever you want I don't even care. I am over this.**

There's no need for that word in this context, geez. But, okay. You decide to be who you are, which is Vrinda. To be honest, you're kind of sick of this format and don't really feel like talking like this anymore. Plus, you kind of have a lot of irons in the fire, trying to fix up all these lemons and hunks of scrap metal! Travis can take over for you.

 

You get out of your multi-color, eco-friendly, babe-repelling Prius after parking it in the shoddy little garage parking lot. Your spot is located next to an old, rusted jalopy that you assume has seen way better days. There are lots of loud whirring and buzzing noises coming from within and something about the sounds of quick medal blades makes your legs feel weird.

Huh, odd.

Either way, you and Gavin head into the shop; you can no longer avoid the inevitable.

"Well, look who's here!" You hear a voice ooze and oh god, no, you probably could have avoided this a little longer.

"Uh. Hey, Vrinda!" Maybe it's just her today and things will be easy! It'll just be her and you can be in and out in no-

"Hey, Travis. Who's the other delectable smell I'm picking up?"

 

This really isn't fair.

 

"Hey, Terza." And you watch as her grin grows.

"This is Gavin, my..."

"Motherfuckin' boyfriend." Gavin cuts in, wrapping his arms around you from behind and setting his head on your mohawk.

You watch as Vrinda begins to smirk looking back at Terza. "My, my, my! Why our little Travis has found himself a new beau? How precious; don't you agree, T?" Terza nods back at her. She then makes her way over to where Vrinda is standing to whisper something in her ear. Demonic grins spread across their faces in an instant; evil smiles that promise horrible things. You notice this, of course. But, before you can make a good excuse to run far away with Gavin in tow, they rush you into a chair. Like, they move really fast. One moment you were standing and the next your in what was probably once a 5th grader's favorite plastic chair.

"Gavin, right? I'm blind; can't see and shit. Would you mind running some errands really quick while we all catch up? Most of everything I need is right across the street; shouldn't take more than 10 minutes or so." And she puts on what is probably supposed to be some "poor, lost blind girl" expression and you know that Gavin is definitely going to say:

"Aww, shit, sis. Of course I can go get you some things; fork the motherfucker over here!" Yup. As soon as he gets the list he gives you a wink before running out the door, promptly leaving you alone with them.

Alone with.

 

Ugh, Gavin, no.

 

"So, you're dating a clown now? Really?" Vrinda laughs, choking and clutching at herself. There was a reason you hadn't told her anything, a pretty good reason. And now, as she looks to be fit to have an aneuyrsm, she is entirely proving your reasoning. 

"A clown? I was aware of no clown kinks since the last time we talked, is this a new thing?" Terza asks. You figure this could have been worse. She could have asked if you used horns for certain activities that you'd rather not think about. Oh, God. How could you even use a horn for that? Now, you're thinking about it which is a thing you had just stated you didn't want to do. You make it a point to ignore the brief thought that his clubs would work better and would fill...Oh God. Stop, brain.

"No clown kinks, I just really like him, okay?" And your tone is a little huffy, but you think that's pretty fair since they're picking on your new boyfriend without even really getting to know him first. Everyone seems to do that with him; all these pre-judgements ignoring the fact that he is one of the nicest guys ever.

"Yeah, yeah. Sappy, mushy love bullshit aside; have you boned yet?" Vrinda's grin is back but she lowers it to a smirk when you start sputtering.

"Oh my God. We literally just started dating like a few months ago and my parents always told me that good relationships take a lot of time to nurture and grow and ohmygod why would you ask that! I can't beli-" Terza thwaps you with her cane and you shut up.

"I can smell him and he still smells just as pure and virgin-y as he did before." You're about to make an indignant protest about how there is no way she can smell that when Vrinda groans.

"Ugh, only you would have some tall, hot guy hopelessly in love with you and then choose to abstain from sex, Travis Dee!" This makes Terza laugh and she starts to hum 'Sandra Dee' under her breath, which is kind of a low blow; using one of your favorite musicals against you. Though, the idea of Gavin being Danny Zuko isn't exactly repelling. You think he would actually look pretty hot in a leather jacket. Wait, why does your mind keep wandering. Focus.

"Well, it's not necessarily that I'm 'choosing'. It's just-that, uh, we haven't really gotten around to it yet." Your voice breaks at 'it' and Terza laughs more.

"'It'? Your making it sound like it's a trip you haven't taken yet or something. Travis, this is sex we're talking about, not picking out a new desk for your study." Vrinda quips back pointedly.

 

You bury your head in your hands."We don't even have enough room for a desk."

 

"Way to miss the point!" Vrinda laughs with a screech. "And maybe if you had a desk, he would fuck you on it!" She finished, abruptly standing up to go clean off her tools before she gets her next customer.

"Can we please not talk about this now, or like, ever?"

"Travis has a point." Terza states and thank goodness she agrees! "This is sad and kinda pathetic." Oh. Oh well, at least the subject is dropped. You follow her, tagging along behind them as they go about their work. You all move about the shop in a pleasant quiet; Vrinda cleaning her tools, Terza reorganizing, and you helping her out with the alphabetization of their customer files. Then the silence breaks.

 

"I'm getting you de-flowered." Vrinda declares, more to herself than to you, but oh god.

 

You choke on air.

 

"What?" Of course, instead of getting her to elaborate on this, Gavin comes back with a plastic bag and the conversation dies. You glance over at Terza to try for her support once more, hoping she'll keep you and your precious cherry safe. The grin on her face tells you otherwise.

"Thanks, Gavin. Now, let me touch your face so I can get an idea what you look like."

Gavin laughs, walking over to her and putting her cane-free hand on his face. "Get your hands all motherfuckin' on this, mechani-sister."

She laughs too, touching his cheeks and nose. "Yes, I think that sounds good; don't you agree Travis? Getting 'all motherfuckin on him'?" You hear the innuendo and your praise baby Jesus that Gavin doesn't catch on. Terza spends a few minutes memorizing his shape before she pretends to stumble over to a table. She wobbles and thrashes out her cane, putting on a good show. "Hm, now where was that can?" Her hands fumble about on the table, grasping and ungrasping oily wrenches and gears. There's only one can on the table and Gavin sees it and starts reaching for it. You look over to see Vrinda watching with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Oh, no.

Before you can warn him to not touch a thing, Gavin's hands and Terza's are holding the can in the air. You don't know how she grabbed it so fast, but she did. Gavin, believing that Terza had the can solidly in her hands, lets go right after she does. Thus, due to gravity and your own horrible luck, a large can of oil is quickly spilled onto Gavin's shirt. "What happened? Did the can spill?" Terza questions, her voice is filled with false innocence as she pretends to grope around at the air.

"Yeah. Ain't no problem though; I think I got another shirt in the car or something, just give me a sec to go-"

"Ridiculous! We have a washing machine and dryer here for all our oily rags. We can wash it right now so the stain doesn't set or whatever. Hand me your shirt." Vrinda states with her hand outstretched towards him. He considers it a moment before giving a half-hearted shrug. Slowly he takes off the ruined shirt and hands it to her. For whatever reason, you watched him do it, even though you knew it was a trap. But, oh my God, what a trap. Upon removing his shirt, you're greeted by tan skin and a flat chest and oh god.

 

_You lick a clear stripe over his pecs, shoving him on the floor with one effortless push. Like fire you're flush against him and he writhes beneath you. A quick flick of your tongue over one of his nipples and he shudders, face full of color and his expression so unbearably turned on. You're rolling around the floor in a playful fight for dominance. A nip at the ear here and a fresh hickey there. It's not long before you're back on top of him and you've started lifting your shirt over his head. A slow grin spreads on his face as he yanks you back down for another kiss, hands sliding raggedly across your back in variations of clawing and rubbing small circles. You continue like this for awhile before shoving your knee between his legs and he groans._

 

_"Travis, man. Fuck. Just tak-"_

 

"Travis. Travis, bro. Travis? Trav?" Gavin says, says quickly moving his hand in front of your eyes. He has an amused look on his face and you notice you're drooling with your hand on the front of your jeans, conveniently palming the front of your junk.

"I, uh." You hear Vrinda and Terza snickering quietly in the background. "Nothing?" You decide not to question why your fantasies are playing out like a cheesy erotica novel, but instead feel the need to cry because, oh god, when did you start having fantasies like this?

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, this is what comes to me when doing anti-derivatives. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.


End file.
